i wish my penis had a tongue
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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