Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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