1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my sisters under your porch take her home
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
