we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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