as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
