absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My first STD was from a foam party
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
