I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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