You're a womanizer and a bitch.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
