Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
