dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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