i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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