Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
