nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
