Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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