so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
