Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
