Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
