Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
