I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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