yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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