She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
