Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize