I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
