i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
