a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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