Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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