I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
