i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Someone shit on the floor
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
