She's JV to your varsity
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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