Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I want is dick and wine.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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