Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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