Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
