we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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