Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
