you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
