Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
