You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
