that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
