I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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