It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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