Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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