I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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