I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
