You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
