I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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