Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
