I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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