Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
