I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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