It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All the doctor said was why
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
