tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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