She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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