I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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