i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was like eating out sand paper
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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