the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
