totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
