i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
