I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
