He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
