This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
