At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
