she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
