I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
