Ambien. No doubt about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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