How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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