1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
