Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
