u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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