so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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