I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
