So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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