It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
