So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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