I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
