mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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