is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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