you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
