batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
